Today’s the Big Day. No, I’m not cleaning behind the refrigerator…David and I are going Christmas shopping. Our annual, one-day-only, do-or-die excursion has been postponed quite a bit due to unforeseen unfortunate events (weather and sickness), but I’m hoping for a successful venture.
Yes, despite frigid temperatures and snow on the ground, we will brave the holiday shopping crowds and Walmart stalwartly. Having learned last year firsthand that most important of shopping rules, “Never become separated at Walmart,” we will both be armed with cell phones, should we find ourselves in opposite quadrants of the store. (Last year, I lost David in Walmart and he didn’t have his phone. After each circling the store for half an hour–on opposite sides of the circle–in desperation I had him paged from the fabric counter. He’ll never forget his phone again.)
Of course, the kids will not be along, for obvious reasons. This will improve flow and speed exponentially. However, I fear the age-old divergence of thought between male/female shopping brain functions will interfere with the overall experience. For example, I go about shopping for Christmas very methodically—almost scientifically. The unique character of the giftee must be kept always in the forefront of one’s mind, and the gift must ultimately reflect this careful and considerate thought. Armed with my “Master List”, I must stop periodically (every aisle) and consult it for the tally of money that has been spent on Giftee A and make sure that it’s an appropriate gift within the appropriate money range. Every female knows, for instance, that if one has a $25 limit, one pair of socks is not going to wow anyone (even if it IS a $25 pair of socks—argyle.) No, perhaps a few, smaller—yet coordinated!—gifts would better serve the purposes, here.
See what I mean? Male readers eyes have glazed over at this point, and they’re having a hard time following the train of thought, while female readers are wondering whether or not they shouldn’t have gotten Great-Aunt Eleanor the chocolates, too? Shopping is a science for females.
For males? A competition. At least it is for my husband. A successful trip for him would be to cover everyone at one store in one hour and be home in time for lunch.
Yes, today will no doubt prove interesting.
I will update as soon as the venture is complete, barring any unfortunate, freak marital shopping incident.